Red
' Red '''is the main protagonist of the animation 'Dick Figures, 'besides his friend Blue. He is a fun-loving guy, never seen calm, who almost never takes things seriously and loves parties and girls. He wears a backwards red cap and lives with is best friends and roommate: Blue, a calm guy who is the complete opposite of Red. His catchphrase is simply "Yeah, right!",but on numerous occasions, he has been known to yell "'Sup beeeitch!" or just ''Sup bitch!. On one occasion, he says "Catchphrase." In Traffic Jams just before he and Blue slay the Turtle Dragon. He is also seen to be a very violent character, as he is seen killing a lot of people at Maulmart in Flame War and also in Lord Tourette's Syndrome, where he smashes through the window of a church and slaughters many inoccent people with a katana. He also makes "the perfect murder" on Broseph in Zombies & Shotguns, cutting him in 2 with a chainsaw and Red continued killing him on various occasions on different episodes. Appearances To see what episodes Red has appeared in, please go to: Red/Appearances '' Quotes ''Post some of Red's most famous quotes at: Red/Quotes "Are you kidding? I've been trying to get this bag of chips open for like a week. This bag was made by SATAN!" fire "See? See! AAAGGH I just want some chips." "I'm like a PUSS-MAAGNET!" "First thing you got to do is surprise them.Ladies love surprises. Check this out. SURPRISE! .... Alright, stay here, Ima show you how a threesome works. Yeeahhh, here comes the milkman." '' ''"'Alright, step 2. Confidance. When you talk to Madamoiselles, you got to be direct. ... Hey baby, pardon my french, but, I want to FUCK! ... It means i want to FIOC." '' ''"The last lesson is you need to be suave... Means you need a sexy hat... " '' ''"So remember, all you need to do... is suprise her, be confident, and get a sick lid." "Steadfast, Ogre, for I'm about to cleave thee a new butthole!" "Oh, sick, loot! DING!" "I want... to eat... a dinasaur." "Well, it looks like we need a time-machine!" "I'm Batman!" "Catchphrase." "Cuz Im Awesome!" "My eyes are puzzle pieces!" "Real men play poker yo!" "Oh sweet burrito, your black beans and rice make my tummy feel nice! And my butthole burn." "I dunno what you're talking about crazy man, but I'm gonna beat you up 'till you bleed soy sauce!" "I'm gonna ruin my liver! See you in the hospital fat ass!" "I'm sexy and I know it!" "*in auto-tuned voice*That's more like it! Hey robo-cock give me my motherfucking money back!" "I'M FREE, MOTHERFUCKA!!!" "I got some advice for you,I got some advice,You touchin' the boobies and then you touchin' the twice!" "Robot Frog!" "''*in auto-tuned voice*OH SHIIITTTT! Dick Figures!'' Trivia *Red is revealed to be an extra-terrestrial creature in First Day of Cool. *Red and Blue have been friends for a long time. In Captain Red Rum & The Pina Colada Armada, their friendship is confirmed on Facester. *Red has the most References given to him. *Red is roommates with Blue. *Red is amoral since he can't tell right from wrong. *He hates Broseph, but Broseph doesn't seem to feel the exact same feelings for Red, causing Red himself to kill Broseph everytime. So far, he killed Broseph 4 times. *He is the most liked character in the series (confirmed by comments). *Red has the power of defying gravity (flying) in many episodes. *In He who Shall Not Be Maimed, and Role Playas, Red is a knight named Maroon. *He seems to be the only character that wears his cap backwards. *There are seven episodes where Red does not wear a cap. In Panda Hat, he removes his cap when he talks up a woman, in Flame War while using his flamethrower, his cap does not appear, while in Role Playas, in Fang Angels (but was wearing it when he robbed a bank), and in Captain Red Rum & The Pina Colada Armadahe wears a bandana. Also in Adventures of Batman & The Bloser and The Fart Knight Rises, since was wearing the Batman ears the whole time. It probably is his hat because there's an extra line there. *Apparently, he owns a Katana, a hand gun, ninja stars, and a pump shotgun, as they are always usually in his possession. *He apparently is an alcoholic, as seen in Panda Hat. *Red is Emperor of the Crimson Empire, as seen in Attack of the Pwns. *In Kitty Amazing, Blue calls him "Marco", but he was most likely just doing the game, "Marco Polo", in which someone says the name "Marco" and waits until the person he or she is looking for says "Polo". Plus, in the epsidoe, Blue had eye surgery so he couldn't see and by playing Marco Polo. he would know where Red was. *He, on the inside, is a very kind person and he cares so much about the people he loves. But this side is only seen in 7 cases: **In A Bee or Something Red tries to get Blue a new girlfriend. **When Kitty Amazing kills people in the city, Red ends the cat's reign of terror by placing the cat in front of a mirror, which causes the cat to turn to stone. **In "Role Playas", Red kills Black because he was attacking Blue. ** In "Y U So Meme", he was jealous of Jason (Trollzor) because he "took" his best friend Blue. He pays the Ugly Fat Girl to break Jason's heart to show to Blue that he is an asshole and Red and Blue be best friends again (unfortunately Red punches Blue in the face as an act of forgiveness). **In "Attack of the Pwns", Red let Blue live and took the two jet packs with him to get out of the escape pod before they died a firey death in the sun (but once they ran out of gas, he left him there to die). **In "Lord Tourette's Syndrome", he helps Lord Tourettes find his hat (but only for the treasure). **In "Adventures of Batman & The Bloser", he (as Batman) and Blue (as Bloser) defeat Earl Grey and restored the colors of all of the people (including Lord Tourettes) who got their color drained by Earl Grey's bombs. **In Terminate-Her! he saves Blue from both a possible death and humiliation of making out with a possible man.(even though Red might have just pretending to be a real terminator killing any girl named Sarah Conner.) **In "Modern Flame War 3", he saved the Internet with Blue and Jason (Trollzor). Even though he didn't really want to save it, since he wanted 100% of the internet for himself. **In Pleasure Cruise he tries to save a cruise ship full of people from Gerald Butler's bomb and buys Blue a hot dog. **In Kung Fu Winners, Red goes with Blue to the Golden Lotus Dragon to go rescue Pink, however Red only wanted to have some chow mien. **In Pussy Magnet, Red tries to help Blue overcome his problem with Pink. *In Camp Anarchy, Red revealed that he lost his virginity to a tree. *Red's voice has been Auto-Tuned five times in the series, "A Bee or Something", "Bath Rhymes", "Clip: Bath Rhymes","Camp Anarchy" and "Losing Streakers". *Judging by the picture in the episode Butt Genie, Red's wish is to rule the world. *Red is shown to have a talent in making up songs as he makes up an entire song in Bath Rhymes and a little rap in Camp Anarchy and another rap in Attack of the Pwns. *He is the current leader of the Crimson Armada. *His gameplay name is Maroon or RedD3ATH. *He and Blue get into pretty heated arguments that could end up in war as shown in Attack of the Pwns because Red ate the last frozen burrito. *Red, in the beginning, disliked Lord Tourettes, but in Lord Tourette's Syndrome he only helps him for the treasure. In Season 3 he doesn't seem to be disliking Lord Tourettes anymore. *As of Fang Angels, he has a criminal record. **In We're Cops!, ''he carjacked a police cruiser. *Red possibly has super-human strength because in Lord Tourette's Syndrome he could lift a building, in Fang Angels the barbell he lifted was a total of 20,000 pounds and in Steakosaurus he could lift the Proton Desinigrator with ease even though it is larger than him in length. *Red is the captain of the Pina Colada Armada, whose crew consists of himself, Blue (as the lieutenant), Raccoon (as the ship's chef), and beautiful wenches. *Red has a song on the Dick Figures Season 1 Soundtrack called "Yo Butt" in which Raccoon is the guest singer. *Red has superpowers: **Enhanced Strength as seen in Lord Tourette's Syndrome, Fang Angels and Steakosaurus. **Defying gravity in many episodes. **Laser Eyes in Sex Marks the Spot and Adventures of Batman & The Bloser. **He can eat barbed wire without getting hurt in Modern Flame War 3. **Red is capable of shooting a beam of energy with his hands to pulverize someone, as seen in Kung Fu Winners. **He can also make multiple people's heads explode through intense concentration as seen in Kung Fu Winners. **He is a "Pussy Magnet" (Kittens). *Many fans agree that the reason why he is floating in most episodes is because of his hat, like how Lord Tourettes' hat is the reason why Lord Tourettes swears when he spazzes. However the episode Brain Switch shows Red floating while being in Blue's body. *Red has a Twitter page called Red_ImBatman . *It's shown in Sex Marks the Spot that he hides his porn mags and boob pics in a temple-like part of his home, because internet doesn't have "the weird stuff". **He is a fan of the classic "strange stuff" as well as modern pornography, yet no one knows if he does not watch Internet porn, but in Modern Flame War 3 he is seen searching the Internet to look for the perfect boobs. *Red has Laser Eyes as revealed in Sex Marks the Spot. **This could be a reference to the lyrics to Bath Rhymes.'' *Red may have found a "love of the law" in We're Cops!.'' *Red is known to eat barb wire and drink his own piss as of Modern Flame War 3 or just a reference to Bear Grylls. *Red has shown to be a very good shot in multiple episodes like Modern Flame War 3 and Flame War. *Red might have died in the explosion from Stacy, the only one with boobs that can destroy anything in Modern Flame War 3, but since that Blue and Trollz0r survived in the end, there is a most likely chance he and Stacy survived as well. *It is odd to see how Red was not excited for Modern Flame War 3 when in Flame War he killed multiple people for it, this could be because as Blue said it was just the same game and that he was really busy finding the perfect boobs. *He is shown to love Chow Mein in Kung Fu Winners. *In Kung Fu Winners, Red is able to use the Original Kamehameha from the Dragon Ball series. *Red is a Kung Fu Winner as revealed in Kung Fu Winners. *Red might have had sex with a machine which he reveals in Losing Streakers when he speaks to a slot machine. * In Pussy Magnet, Red gives Blue advice on getting girls so Blue can impress Pink. *Red was born strong with powers and mastery of martial arts in First Day of Cool. *In Sex Marks the Spot and Ocho Muerte, Red Tends to keep certain things safe by eating them and shitting them out. *Red can grow his arm twice as long than a normal character, as seen in Kung Fu Winners. *In Taco Tuesday, Red screams that he never has money, which could be true. But in some episodes, he pulls out his own money and actually pays something. Episodes where he paid: **In Pleasure Cruise, at the end of the episode when he buys two hot-dogs from him and Blue. **In Steakosaurus, when he doesn't want to hear Raccoon's warnings and pays him 50$ so that he could give the time machine without any problems. **In Chug-A-Chug-A-Brew-Brew, he bribes a barman. *In OMG, he was seen smoking in one of Raccoon's dreams. Because this was a dream, it was unknown if Red really did. **Later episodes such as Taco Tuesday and Freshman 15 proved that he smoked. *In Freshman 15, we see that Red can have sex with girls really quickly. For example, in the beginning of the episode, he had sex with 4 girls in only 4 seconds. *According to Ed and Zack, Red is not an alien, but he did not come from Earth. *In The Fart Knight Rises, Red as Batman, we see that he owns a giant floating ship, which he used mostly to see boobs. **In the same episode, Red states that what he loves about 4th of July is not the fact that America defeated Great Britain for their independence, what he loves is the barbecue. *In his first original appearance, in the unaired Pilot episode, he has a blue cap instead of a red one. *In Robot Frog, it shows that Red likes to crap on Blue's pyjamas when he's not home. *Red seems to enjoy another Mondo show called "Gundarr", since he watches it as if it was porn. *Red might own a laptop computer, since he watch his porn with his computer now, not in his normal computer in his apartment anymore (in Modern Flame War 3, when he was looking for the perfect boobs, using 99% of the internet.). Gallery Red 4.jpg Red 3.jpg Red 2.jpg Red 1.jpg Red 10.jpg Red 9.jpg Red 8.jpg Red 7.jpg Red 6.jpg Red 20.jpg Red 19.jpg Red 18.jpg Red 17.jpg Red 16.jpg Red 15.jpg Red 14.jpg Red 13.jpg Red 12.jpg Red 29.jpg Red 28.jpg Red 27.jpg Red 11.jpg Red 26.jpg Red 25.jpg Red 24.jpg Red 23.jpg Red 22.jpg Red 21.jpg Red 40.jpg Red 39.jpg Red 38.jpg Red 37.jpg Red 36.jpg Red 35.jpg Red 34.jpg Red 33.jpg Red 32.jpg Red 31.jpg Red 2.10.jpg Red 2.9.jpg Red 2.8.jpg Red 2.7.jpg Red 2.6.jpg Red 2.5.jpg Red 2.4.jpg Red 2.3.jpg Red 2.2.jpg Red 2.1.jpg Shit.png Redplanet.png Panda Hat 72.jpg Redswish.png Untitled 2.png|Red as a little kid from Camp Anarchy. RedDF.png|Red taken from dick figures music video website Batman1.PNG Batman4.PNG Batman6.PNG Autotunedisco.png red in flame war.PNG|Red in Flame War red in flame war 2.PNG|Red using a flamethrower in Flame War red pwnage.PNG|Red pwning in Flame War Capture.PNG Red with a sword.jpg|Red Attacking Raccoon on Zeusbag|link=http://dickfigures.wikia.com/wiki/Special:NewFiles# Red in Zeus.jpg|link=http://dickfigures.wikia.com/wiki/Special:NewFiles Red.jpg|Confused red 187798_225156894170808_2354913_n.jpg Autotunedisco.png can`t hear you.jpeg debt.jpeg DF.jpeg dick_figures_by_dick_figures-Bath-rhymes.jpg faces.jpeg i feel bad 4 you , son.jpeg imagges.jpeg index.jpeg index.jpeg index.jpeg kitty.jpeg movements.jpeg s.jpeg terminator.jpeg Autotunedisco.png knk;nk;.png Untitled. PNG FUCK Gravity.png|Red defying gravity once again. FUCK GRAVITY 2.jpg Red smiling.png|Silly Blue :) CATCHPHRASE.png|CATCHPHRASE! PERFECT MURDER.png|PERFECT MURDER! NO SURVIVORS.png|NO SURVIVORS! capbackwards.png kidred.png|Red as a kid supb.png|''sup redattacks.png Red charging his beam.png|Imma chargin my laser!! Screenshot27.jpg Barbecue.png|Batman: No, The BBQ! Original Red.png|Red, how he originally looked, on the unaired pilot episode. aah.png batmansmile.png imbatman.png|i'm batman! landred.png awshitman.png dickfiguresred.png|''Dick Figures!'' robotfroog.png Wob (Red).png Wabbledee.png Red's laptop.png|Red's possible laptop computer Porn (Gundarr).png|Red watchin' porn (or Gundarr) Category:Season 1 Category:Season 2 Category:Season 3 Category:Season 4 Category:Characters Category:Main Characters